3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
