I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
