No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
