Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
