Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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