Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
