but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
