I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
