I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
