It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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