I'm eating all of the evidence.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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