Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
