i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
