White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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