Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
