so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
