Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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