i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
