the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
MIDGETS
????
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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