do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
