she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
