Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
