It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
