I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
