the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
