Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
