I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
