i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
