I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
