gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
