finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
