next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
