Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
