I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
