so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
