if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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