Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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