Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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