Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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