How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
