i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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