I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
