My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
