tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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