Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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