Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
