hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
