I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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