I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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