You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
