You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
