How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
