she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
